Just last week I wanted to watch the sunset from my balcony and as I closed the sliding door a click followed, which was all I needed to hear before realizing that I was in crap. I had locked myself out.
Talks and negotiations later with the kids playing downstairs would release me from my predicament. I had luckily left the front door open so they walked in and saved me from myself but I had to part with some play station games and controllers for a few days.
Then I began to wonder how many times I had felt bad or just sorry for myself, and locked myself in thoughts, and a fowl mood.
Leaving my friends wondering what was wrong; just sulking and diving deeper into my self obsessed ways.
And over time I realized I could help myself by just talking to someone close like I did with the boys and in most cases the solutions come to you just by talking about issues (and knowing that there are many front doors willing to open for you). Other times you realize it was nothing and maybe you felt the way you did from something you read or saw which just got imprinted on your emotions.
Sometimes we just have to open up a little because there are really amazing people out there and let's hope that the time you spend being just a bit vulnerable will lead to better relationships and most especially a better version of yourself.
"You wait till I become somebody" he said passionately...
I often hear these words from people, and I cringe all the time. What would make "somebody" think he/she is "nobody" until he/she becomes "somebody"? It's an unaware statement that only takes and takes from the existential gifts of a person.
So I'll ask: - were you ever born? - do you love yourself? - have you stopped breathing? - do you have aspirations?
If you answered no to any of these questions then stop reading (get off google/IG search and take as much time as you need to search within, because what you need cannot be answered by anyone else but you); and if you have answered yes to any, then you have always been somebody. Somebody who feels, loves and can be loved and is worthy of sharing and celebrating their uniqueness everyday of their lives with whoever they choose to.
Don't wait till a future date, celebrate yourself this second, this moment, like you would celebrate your favorite celebrity or this new year.
Your existence matters in this whole equation of life. Choose yourself and watch it all unfold as every experience warms your soul.
I got a call from you at 2am. Your drunk voice met my waking consciousness, "I'm just close to your house"; you bellowed, and I wondered what you meant.
Did you expect I'd stay up waiting for you in all the years that went by?
Even the shore that awaits the waves often have its sands replenished by it, when it suddenly shows up; but you add nothing to me and I add nothing to you, for we are just stories that linger in the shadows of our past.
Hoping to be resurrected by a feeling, a memory, a thought or a loose word on the lips of someone new.
Then I calmly said; "I don't think seeing you is a good idea" and then there was silence. That kind that shows presence by not being there in a horror movie before something bad happens.
You were the horror movie that came to an end the moment I neither loved nor hated you.
And like the words of Elie Wies “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference"; I've beautifully turned numb towards you.
Such a sweet silence that only being content with ones' self knows. Let it go dear friends and be at peace.